How to Win Friends and Influence People written by Dale Carnegie was published in 1936.
It sold over 30 million copies worldwide and is renowned for its simple, practical and timeless advice on dealing with people. In 2011, it was ranked 19th on Time magazine's list of the 100 most influential books.
Here are three simple and useful ideas from the book that’s always worth keeping in mind while interacting with people.
The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it
Have you ever gotten into an argument with someone over a particular topic, and the more you argued, the more convinced and stubborn the other person became about their point of view?
Carnegie says “there is only one way under high heaven to get the best of an argument - and that is to avoid it.“
“A misunderstanding is never ended by an argument but by tact, diplomacy, conciliation and a sympathetic desire to see the other person's viewpoint.“
He urges us to show respect for the other person's opinions. Never say "You're wrong."
Telling people they are wrong strikes a direct blow at their “intelligence, judgement, pride and self-respect and makes them more unwilling to change their mind.
Use people's name
I must admit that it always feels nice when someone calls me by my name, whether I am interacting face-to-face, over the phone, or even in chat and emails.
I notice that I become automatically more attentive, and this somehow makes me feel closer to the person who is speaking to me.
Carnegie says,
"The average person is more interested in their own name than in all the other names in the world put together." People love their names so much that they will often donate large amounts of money just to have a building named after themselves.
We can make people feel extremely valued and important by remembering their name. A person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language."
Mentioning someone’s name while conversing with them is a simple gesture, but few take the effort to put this into practice or even realise what a difference it can make to the other person.
Don’t criticize, condemn or complain
To deal with people well, Carnegie insists that “we must never criticize, condemn or complain because it will never result in the behaviour we desire.”
“Human nature does not like to admit fault. When people are criticized or humiliated, they rarely respond well and will often become defensive and resent their critic.
Criticism is dangerous, because it wounds a person’s precious pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses resentment.
Anyone can criticize, condemn and complain—and most people do. But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.
When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.”
These tips may not sound extraordinary, but applying these tips into our daily life can have a profound impact, and I’d urge you to put them into put into practice while interacting with people.
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